Blogs...

I have been reading way too many blogs.  I stumbled upon an "autism mom blog" and of course, she links to many more "autism mom blogs" and I just can't stop reading.  I definitely do not have time to be reading all of these blogs.  But what I really don't have is the emotional head space to be reading these blogs.  They are making me think!  Normally, I would say thinking is a good thing.  I would typically describe myself as a critical thinker and a fairly smart person who likes to use her brain.  But, since autism has entered my world, I really do not want to use my brain.  In fact, I wish I could find someone who could just tell me all the information I need to know it one short and concise paragraph and then make the magic happen.  Unfortunately, it does not work that way.  When Jack was diagnosed, I asked the doctor and the pediatrician and the BCBA, what the prognosis would be for him.  They all said he was too young to tell.  So, I decided then and there, if no one could tell me, then I would just go with the plan that he will be "just fine".  And, in my mind, the way I define "just fine", is that he will go to 1st grade, be in regular education, have friends, and do whatever it is that he enjoys.  Early on in our autism journey, actually before we even had a diagnosis, a friend suggested I contact an old acquaintance she had.  So, I did.  She has twin boys, who at the time were seniors in high school.  They had been diagnosed with autism at 3 years old and by 1st grade, were functioning just fine.  The day after we received the diagnosis, I called her.  I was having what I can only describe as a mental breakdown.  I was not in control of myself in a way that has never happened to me.  I was literally laying on the ground in the fetal position, sobbing.  She came over to my house.  I had never met her before and had barely spoken with her, but she was my angel that day.  She gave me her copy of "Let Me Hear Your Voice."  She gave me a bunch of cards that she had used with her boys.  And she told me her story.  She probably has no idea how much she impacted me and my thinking.  From that day on, I decided I would just do what she did and expect the same outcome.  Every now and then, we meet for lunch.  I tell her how Jack is doing.  She tells me how much better he is doing than her kids were at that age.  I feel better.  And I go on believing that Jack will be "just fine".  And, I still believe it.  He has made TREMENDOUS progress.  He is beginning to talk and will put 3 and sometimes even 4 words together.  We have finished OT because he seems able to regulate his sensory needs.  He is, according to Rebecca, in "intermediate" programming in the ABA program.  He and Mason, our friend across the street, have play dates twice a week and Jack and Mason held hands as the therapist and Jack walked Mason home after the last play date.  Jack played soccer and went to gymnastics and did as well, if not better, than most of the kids in the class.  He is going to be "just fine".  But, some of this "thinking" stuff has got me thinking.  And, I am not sure I even want to say it out loud (or write it out loud).  So, maybe I won't just quite yet.  I will keep thinking about it and rolling it around in my brain.  And maybe, I will call my "angel" and see what she thinks about all of these things I am reading.  I know what she will say - "Stop Reading".  And I will try, because I know I should not be reading.  Like I said, I do not have the time or energy to be reading other people's blogs on autism.  But, with her children, her journey is really done.  They are going into their sophomore year in college, at an out of state university, and are living on their own.  They have made friends and are happy and healthy.  Once I get to that place (still thinking Jack will get to that place), it may seem easier to say not to focus on anything and have confidence Jack will be fine.  And really, I do have confidence he will be "just fine" because there is just as much to say he will be, in fact possibly even more, than there is to say he will not be.  But, there is a tiny part of me that wonders if.  And, am I doing the right things?  Is there anything else I should be doing?  There is so much information out there, I cannot possibly read it all or know everything.  And, I do not know who to believe about the various contradictions.  But, I will meet my "angel" for lunch.  I will tell her how Jack is doing.  She will tell me he is doing so much better than her kids were at his age.  And, I will feel better.

Happy 3rd birthday!

Happy 3rd birthday to Jack and Annabelle!  I cannot believe it has been three years since you were born!  To celebrate your birthday, we had a Curious George birthday party at Jumpoline yesterday, the day before your birthday.  Some of your favorite people were there including Charlotte, Molly, Wesley, Holden, Lily, Clara, Nora, Mason, Matthew, Reagan, Anson, Madilyn, Reagan, Ever, Maebe, Phoenix, Pearl.  You also had lots of family - Granna, Gma, Gpa, Kaitlyn, Granjan, Grandpa, Uncle Josh, and Tiffany.  It was lots of fun!  Jack jumped the entire two hours with a very small break to eat a cupcake.  Annabelle jumped, but also played on some of the other toys and enjoyed hanging out and chatting with friends.  We had red cupcakes with banana runts and yellow cupcakes with red sugar sprinkles.  Jack and Annabelle had special cupcakes from Wildwood Bakery.  We also had bananas, since we were monkey themed.  Jack and Annabelle each had Curious shirts and Annabelle even wore a tutu made by Granjan.  It was pretty adorable!

Annabelle - this has been a fun year for you!  You are very curious and always wanting more and more and more information.  You have a vivid imagination and are always going on "trips" and "rocket ship rides".  It is amazing to hear the stories you create and I am so lucky to be a part of them.  You went to school at St. Paul Lutheran this year and Ms. Wuerchan was your teacher.  You enjoyed her and the school said you always did well.  We also did music with Heartsong and just recently began soccer and gymnastics.  We took several trips to the zoo and Sea World, both of which you always loved.  We went to North Carolina in April to visit Baby Bryce - it was a fun trip!  Currently, you love reading books and cooking in your kitchen.  You also enjoy drawing and painting.  You know your letters and numbers.  You have a great vocabulary.  You do a pretty good job of following directions.  You were potty trained right after your birthday last year and only wear a diaper at nap and night time.  Overall, you are a creative and spirited child and I can't wait to see what this year brings!

Jack - this has been a learning and working year for you, but just in the past couple of weeks, it seems like serious progress is happening.  You are typically in therapy 25 hours a week.  It makes me sad that you do not have much free time, but I am hoping it will pay off and in a few years, we can be done with all of this.  You are laid back and have a sense of humor, which is great!  You like to play with lots of different things, including cars, trains, and sensory boxes of rice and "dirt".  You are also in to painting and glitter glue and enjoy wagon rides.  You have been in music with Heartsong and seemed to enjoy it.  At least, you sing the songs all the time when we are home!  In general, you love music.  You have just started soccer and gymnastics and they are going well.  We have gone to the zoo and Sea World, neither of which impressed you.  You seem to like numbers and counting.  In the past couple of weeks, you have really started "talking".  I think it is real talking now, as you spontaneously put two words together almost all of the time.  YAHOO!!!  We started PROMPT speech therapy in February of this year and I think it has been a huge help.  I told your therapist, Marcus, that I wanted you talking by your birthday.  And, I think it has happened!  You are talking!  You are not on level yet, but I think it will happen!  Tonight, Daddy gave you an apple and you said "thank you".  I don't think anyone has even taught you that one - it almost made me cry.  I am SO excited!  Also, we have done potty training with you and started in the beginning of June.  You wear undies all day and wear a diaper for nap and night time.  Most of the time, even your nap diapers are dry.  The only problem is pooping, which you don't want to do in the potty yet.  As long as it happens in the diaper, it is fine.  It is not so fun when it is in your undies.  Regardless, you have made a ton of progress!  You have playdates twice a week as part of your therapy.  Right now, we are having Mason over twice a week.  It seems to be going well...  Overall, you are a chilled out kid.  I can't wait to see what this year brings!

Sea World for Father's Day

Jeremy was a great sport and said we could go to Sea World for Father's Day.  His mom is here and we all have season passes.  We are trying to get in as many trips as we can before the kiddos turn three and are no longer free...  We had a great day and it was not as crowded as I thought it would be and not even as hot as I thought it would be.  Jack was pretty upset when he realized we were not taking the stroller with us.  Last time, he did not want to get out of the stroller and you have to get out in order to see any of the shows.  This time, we just went without the stroller, so he did not have the choice to sit in it.  After his initial frustrations about the stroller, he did just fine.  He even peed in the potty a few times and we had 0 accidents - yay!

My favorite show is Azul with the divers and Beluga whales.  Annabelle loves to pretend to dance with Beluga whales at our house, so I think  it is one of her favorites too.  We also say a new Pet's Ahoy show which had dogs, cats, a pig, and other animals.  It was air conditioned, so that was a plus.  We tried to feed the dolphins, but they are no longer doing that program.  It was still really fun to be so close to them in their tank.  They were swimming in circles and jumping right in front of us.  Annabelle got splashed, which was super fun.

The kids had a blast at the splash pad, which is huge.  It took Jack a while to get used to it and he and I started with the baby splash pad.  But, after a while, he was running with Annabelle and Jeremy on the big one.  We also did more sesame street stuff this time then in the past.  We saw Elmo Rocks and at the end of the show, the kids get to go down front and dance. Annabelle and Granjan went down and Jack decided he wanted to go to.  It was great!  Afterwards, we took a picture with all of them and Jack became buddies with Elmo and "pet" him.  Annabelle was afraid at first, but later warmed up to them.  We got some cute pictures!

At the end of the day, Jack and Jeremy went back to the car.  While we waited for our pictures, Annabelle and I rode the Shamu Express, which was so fun.  Annabelle's first roller coaster ride - I think I need to document it for the baby book!

Overall, a great day with tired out kids!  Happy father's day Jeremy - the best father and husband I could ask for!

Potty Training

Well, I think we are almost there!  We started potty training with Jack last weekend, Saturday, June 1st.  He needs to be potty trained for his school in the fall and he just seemed ready.  Multiple times, he took off his diaper at nap - clearly a sign he was ready to be done with diapers.  One positive of autism (there are not many, so I like to highlight one if it ever occurs), the therapists did most of the potty training!  And, it was not fun.  Rebecca was here Saturday and Sunday, along with another therapist for each shift.  And then, the therapists continued to work on it during the week.  On Wednesday, I was starting to get nervous.  Jack did not really have many accidents, but he could hold his pee for a long time.  He was scared to pee on the potty and one time literally sat on the potty for 3 hours!  He would cry whenever he was on the potty and actually needed to pee because he was scared.  It was so sad for me to watch and listen to, but I knew we had to push through.  I was also worried he was going to spend the entire summer sitting on the potty.  But luckily, he must have sensed my concern, and on Thursday we turned a huge corner.  He figured out it is not that scary to pee on the potty.  In fact, he likes to watch himself do it and is very proud afterwards.  He also likes to flush and say "bye bye tee tee".  And since then, he sits on the potty and goes within a minute (much better than the 3 hour stand off).  He is not quite initiating that he needs to go, but he will say yes when asked and he will pee when he sits on the potty!  Yahoo!!!  We still need to work on pooping in the potty, but that will come and I am not too worried.  This is one of those things that takes a huge unconscious weight off my shoulders.  When he was initially diagnosed, one of my first questions was would he ever be potty trained?  I have worked with families with big kids who are still in diapers and that was really something I was hoping to avoid.  So, now that he is successfully peeing in the potty, I feel even more confident that he is going to be okay.  And the more confident I am that he will be okay, the more likely it is that I will be okay.

Today I smile again and again

because...

We got into the pool!  It wasn't quite as clean as I would like and it was a little chilly, but we got in!
Christy, Dom, Ever, and Maebe came over to swim and eat dinner - I love them!
Jeremy made grilled pineapple - possibly my favorite thing in the world.
We listened to Hey Lollies and Jack actually watched and seemed interested - yahoo!
I had a delicious iced mocha - another top 10 item on my list.
Annabelle, Jack, and I played ring around the rosie and both kids laughed and giggled.

Today I smile again

because...

Annabelle told me I am her "favorite pillow in the whole wide world"
Jack and I got to play at the park just the two of us - he went down the super fast slide all by himself
Annabelle was so proud to show her brother off to her friends at school
Jack ate his weight in zucchini for dinner
Rebecca said Jack is doing great!
I got to go to central market by myself - and I picked out lemon bars and cherries for myself

Today I smile

Today I smile...

Because I have sunflowers from Mother's Day smiling at me from my coffee table
Because Annabelle and I got to visit our friends the Farrells (Andrea, Anson, Reagan, and Madilyn)
Because I go to go to an awards ceremony for my lacrosse girls
Because Jack ate almost everything on his plate
Because Annabelle asked for "more snuggles please"
Because Jack sat in my lap and let me read a story
Because Annabelle and I got to visit Samaya and Devni and their mama